WHO YOU ARE!

Trembling, I walk up to the desk meant for the defense attorneys. Wearing a suit and a false bravado, I may even look like a lawyer.

The judge asks me “where is your client?”

“I am defending myself” I whisper.

“Stupid," he starts. "Ms. Marona, I see you are here today petitioning for dismissal of your case?”

“Yes, your Hon….” I am interrupted. My cheeks begin to turn the telltale scarlet of shame. I have been to three other courts this month for the same process. But I can tell this time is going to be different.

Carry it in My Heart

I went to the cardiologist recently to have my heart checked.

“Perfect picture of health” he stated.

I am simultaneously relieved and not surprised.

My adult children waiting in in the lobby don’t have a care in the world and the receptionist mentions how much the staff enjoys their laughter. It is my turn to wait not as joyously. My son & daughter are checked. We are all fine.

But I feel the doctor has missed something. Something important…

The Grind!

Recently, my sister, who is a marathon runner, asked me to go to Vancouver with her and my niece. Michelle, my sis, would be running a half marathon sponsored by Lululemon. As an enticement, there would be yoga in the park, special clothing promotions, hair braiding and more. Plus I could have a brief girl's vacation using my new shiny passport!

On one of the days there Michelle planned for us to climb the Grouse Grind. The "Grind" as it more commonly known is a steep two mile hike in which you climb 3000 feet up the side of a mountain.

This is the starting sign of the Grind

To climb this hill one has to go up man made stairs that can make you lift your knees to your chest and scale rocks and tree roots. It is not for the faint of heart.

But I am faint of heart! Before this trip, I cannot get out of bed because I am feeling depressed, alone, lost, angry, full of rage, and overwhelmed. 

Gather Ye Rosebuds

Today I got a call from a girlfriend that I admire more than she knows.

During our call she tells me her office doors may have to close because her biggest client had to move on for reasons out of her control.

I know why she has called me. It’s not because I am the fun friend you call to hang out with rather I am the friend that can say, “Me too” and mean it! I have been in your shoes and felt that same thing.

Pruning. It is defined as cutting away dead or overgrown branches or stems, especially to increase fruitfulness, growth, and prevent disease.

It is like the beautiful rosebush that blooms during our beloved rose parade but must be cut back merely a month later. This is done so that it might not use ALL of its energy to keep those branches that no longer serve it and bring forth May blossoms.

Weight of the World

Closing my eyes today to ignore the young lithe twenty-something women in the front row, I climb the imaginary hill to the beat of Eminem. I spin and spin and spin.

I feel accomplished. I am neither the best nor the worst of the class.

Then that strong voice, the one that never leaves me, speaks “but look at that butt of yours! Why can’t you just put that fork down?”

Christmas Past

My children have said this year I am finally selecting a Christmas card picture where everyone looks good not just me. Harrumph!

But as I take in the picture and see the veneer of “wanna be WASP perfection”, I reflect back to a Christmas that wasn’t as glossy or filled with joy. It is a difficult story to reflect back upon, but it is one that makes this and many Christmases since all the better to enjoy.

Central Park 2015

Are You A Wimp?

“Hit it” I yell to the driver of the boat.

I am almost 40 years old I think to myself. How am I going to do this?

The handle flies out of my hand. The water shoots up my nostrils. The pain begins from my toes up through my now aching head. And yet, the boat circles around and I hold up one finger to indicate one more try.

I am not a wimp I say to myself. I can do this. I mean come on Milissa your dad is on that boat you cannot stop.

Me!!